Relationships are important. Who you choose to marry is one of the choices you make that will ultimately play a major role when setting the course for your future. Now, I have been told by many christians that the topic of relationships/marriage pales deeply in comparison to preaching the gospel, and that it is not important to talk about. I agree, to the first statement, but disagree to the latter. I am in no way insinuating that who you marry is equally as important has your salvation. That would be silly and quite foolish. I am, however, saying that the topic of relationships/marriage should also not be ignored. The Gospel is all about what Jesus did through love to mend and restore our relationship with God and to also teach us how to love and restore our relationships with others. Sadly enough, we have divorced the two and earthly marriages are suffering due to covenants being made with the wrong people. I receive countless messages/emails and come across many incredible men and women who are in some of the worst relationships. They feel trapped, yet abandoned. They are with someone, yet alone. And although each personal situation is wildly different, they all have one detrimental thing in common: fear. Fear of being alone, fear of the future, fear for their life, fear that God is angry with them for staying, I have heard it all. What needs to be understood, however, is simply this: fear paralyzes and God's love sets free. We have a choice.
So today the Lord has placed it upon my heart to write a letter to those of you who are not yet married but are in broken relationships. Maybe you are considering leaving yet are looking for a "sign" on whether you should; let this be your sign. Maybe you don't even realize how bad it is and need some clarity; let this be your new perspective. Maybe you just got out of a broken relationship and keep wondering if you made the right choice; let this be your confirmation. Or maybe this isn't for you, but you know someone who is struggling; send this to them. Either way, I have been there, and I speak from experience. I know someone will need this, so prepare your heart and allow the Holy Spirit to speak to you as He so desires.
To the beautiful one in the broken relationship,
Forgive me if I overstep and climb over all of the boundaries and walls that you have built up so high, but what I have to share with you is more important than both of our comfort. My questions may seem harsh, but I love you too much to offer anything other than honesty. So, allow me to begin. Who was it that lied to you and told you that you didn’t have another choice? Who succeeded in convincing you that compromising who you are was the only way to heal the loneliness you have felt? My heart breaks for you right now because the lies somehow became more attractive than the Truth. My heart breaks for you right now because you’re hurting and you’re too strong-willed, yet embarrassed to admit it.
This isn’t what you wanted. Think about it. Run back through the plans the Lord has shown you for your life and tell me, will you get there with this person? The answer to that question is the same answer the Lord has been giving you every time you choose to spend time with them. It’s no, and it will always be no, beautiful one. Why? I can’t help but sigh, because where do I start? Why does God want to separate this person from your life?
Their thoughts towards you have remained impure.
The way they speak to you and of you is not pleasing in the Lord’s sight.
They're always trying to "change" you.
They aren't worried about losing you because they don't know your worth.
Your dreams are the foundations of their jokes.
They have never honored you. They have never encouraged you.
But most importantly, this person cannot love you the way you deserve to be loved and they won't allow you to love them the way you know you can.
Listen, this significant other may want to love you and treat you like the amazing person that you are. They may even tell you that they will. But here is the solid, transparent truth; they just can't. That foundation is missing from their life. They first need to understand the love of God, and don’t you for a second buy into the lie that you are the only one who will ever be able to get them there. God did not design you to become their personal savior. Oh, and the One and only Savior that they do have? Be honest with yourself, they've never truly been interested in that One either. So tell me, explain to me why you feel as if it is your job to to help them, to heal them, to save them? Yes we must extend grace, and yes we must witness and show love to everyone, but God never intended for you to become a doormat in an unequally yoked relationship during that process. That is not how our Heavenly Father works and brokenhearted is not how He has intended you to live.
I just wish you could see yourself the way that our Heavenly Father does. I wish you could see yourself the way others see you. Your heart runs deep with rhythms of grace and love and you’ve always been none the wiser to it. The enemy has tried to distract you from understanding who you truly are because he knows that within your identity is where you will find the Truth. This is where you will find the Word of God breathing life and creating things that are not as though they were. He knows all too well that sharing your life with the wrong person will hinder, disrupt, and derail your future. He knows that all it takes is the simple choice of you believing the lie that you will never deserve anything better. I just wish you could see that. I wish you would untangle yourself completely free from, (let's just call it what it is), this bondage. I wish you would take a moment to listen to that still small voice that is telling you to walk away. The Holy Spirit leads in all Truth and He wants to lead you back into the arms of Jesus.
If I could, I would scream this from every rooftop, but instead I will whisper it in prayer so that it reaches your heart:
You are loved by God so deeply that you will never have to compromise yourself, your values, your dreams, or your goals, just to be with someone…just to be married.
That is not what your Heavenly Father stands for. That is not how your love story has been written. Instead, there is someone right now who will one day thank you for trusting the Lord even when it seemed like you would be alone forever. There is someone who God has had His eye on to be your companion, and let me tell you, they cannot wait to share their life with you. There is someone who is currently learning how to love you, even without seeing you, as Christ always has. Trust me when I tell you, they really are there, and I am convinced that you will one day see the right one walk into your life as soon as you let the wrong one go.
You know, I was once in a broken relationship myself. Three years had stolen all of my joy, happiness, confidence, and self worth. Why? I wasn't with the right person but I was too emotionally connected to leave. Although heartbroken, staying with someone who never truly loved me was easier than walking away and being completely alone. I was governed by fear. Yet, the Lord saw it all. When I cried; He weeped. When I was being mistreated; He ached with compassion. As my heart began to crumble into 1000 broken pieces, all of heaven became silent as the Father stood from His throne. He had seen enough. My Protector was taking action. Do you know what the Lord told me in a dream one night when I was struggling with letting this relationship go? With a deeply grieved heart, yet stern and loving voice, He said,
"Amy, you will never be able to experience all that I have planned for you if you continue in this dangerous relationship. He may want to spend his life with you, but I died to have eternity with you. I have loved you first, I have loved you greatest, and I will love you whole again. But will you love me back?"
He was asking for my decision. He loved me too much to make the decision for me, but He also loved me enough to never quit pursuing. He died for me, but He also died for my freewill to choose. I chose Him. I chose life, and I received life with abundance. And so with this, I am offering you the same choice He gave me. You are loved more than you know. You are stronger than you think, and the Lord is more than able to restore everything that you've lost. He is healer. He is Emmanuel - He is with you always. Choose Him.